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Chapter 32

Birthdays were not fun and every time it came around I would feel bummed out. My 32nd birthday was different thou , it was very blessed because I am very blessed. I am overwhelmed with the text/calls/social media messages I’ve received and I’m an emotional person and did not expect this at all. I did not think people fucked with me like that and I’m having a hard time accepting the gifts and compliments.

There is one picture I took before I went out that’s the only pic circulating . We forgot to take pictures because we were so in the moment and enjoying ourselves we forgot . Those be the best moments . I went out the night before my bday to a lounge with co workers , i had a few drinks lol and lots of music and dancing. I woke up to a list of messages and missed phone calls, I’m like wtf ? This does not happen bdays for me , sometimes I’m forgotten and I’ve gotten used to it that when it comes up is no big deal. This bday was extra special because it wasn’t just “happy birthday yaddy “ it was long paragraphs… thank you to those that took the time out of their day to wish me a happy birthday.

I’ve come a long way the last 3 years with the self work I’ve been doing and the work I’ve been doing career, financial and relationships. Like i said birthday were no fun for me after 16, maybe three birthdays I can single out. At 17, I was sleeping and crying because I was going through severe depression. A childhood friend, came to pick me up to go out and I wasn’t with it. My 19th birthday I was in school and didn’t tell anyone it was my birthday . My 22nd I did a Mardi Gras theme, invited a few ppl and no one showed up . My 23rd I brought in my bday in the hospital after I’ve experienced my first anxiety attack. My 26th or 27th I took a screenshot of my bank account , that bday I had $14.12 to my name and I remembered thinking “one day my bank account will be full “ . My 29th bday I was working and then I had to take a cab because I was being followed at point after my bday I had to be escorted out by police to my home. Not only that I was going thru a break up and severe anxiety and depression. Flashback to today, I went out very rare had the time of my life , on my bday I upgraded my phone and I checked all my accounts. I didn’t realized it till I was in the At&t store and was seating there like remembering previous bdays especially the the screenshot.

I’ve been doing a lot of PD, self help work and work in career and finances. Just a year ago , my finances were still a little shaky because I was still recovering from 2016 when I quit my job and had a shit load of bills. However , all the work is paying of like a lot and I’m starting to see the fruits of my work.

I’m a giver, I give more then I receive because that’s my nature. I help others more than I receive. It became normal , this birthday I’ve received beautiful messages and gifts and the reason I’m having a hard time accepting it is because I’m not used to it and feel bad for accepting it. But thank you for the love. I didn’t know I was this much loved by so many ppl.

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